The marcaine is wearing off. Could I get these goddam injections the rest of my life every two weeks? Every day, so doctors can do my entire back, starting at my C1 vertebra, giving me the max daily dose of the solution then going on down to my coccyx then starting all over again in an endless cycle? What relief will that provide?
Everything. fucking. wears. off.
And why are doctors fine with injecting me with a sea of marcaine, but not prescribing a mountain of painkillers?
Is it simply that we're a motherfucking Puritan nation that sticks to The Old Ways? If it isn't, I'm in too much goddam pain right now to think of a better way to be angry about this!
...Still, as a former Catholic, I'm used to the formula: Anything that makes you feel good is wrong. So marcaine burns in the muscle, but gives me relief for two days. Two Kadian could, presumably, do that (I've never taken it -- my experience is with oxycodone and Kadian is extended-release morphine), but without the burn.
But pills are wrong. Pills can be diverted from their intended users...
...Which makes me think I should pull a raid on Lummox Life Care (a hospice with an Orwellian name like all of them). I would steal from only the already dead, and end up with IV bags I would have to store in the snow in the back yard so they stay fresh and sterile. Then I could have myself on a just-perfect drip and write this pablum forever...
Until summer came and the snow melts. Then it would be time to have a serious talk with the parents.
[PAIN: 9/10
ANXIETY: 9/10 -- but I'm a perfect 10 regarding how anxious I am about having to be anxious about my pain mismanagement... Fuck I hate the heartland.
REMINDER TO CALL DISABILITY LAWYERS TOMORROW: Very important. I have to get the hell out of Lummox and to a city where there is concrete and public transportation and doctors who accepted long ago that fibro is motherfucking real!
(I'm anxious.)]
Showing posts with label marcaine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marcaine. Show all posts
13 January 2008
12 January 2008
MARCAINE! MARCAINE! MARCAINE!
No more talk of Percocet: The taste of a new generation is Marcaine injections!
I saw my new GP two days ago (I'll be staying with this guy at least until I start up my usual drug-seeking), and he gave me Marcaine injections into one trigger point per shoulder. I don't know how he found what were, apparently, the exact places he needed to inject, since my shoulders are (were? I think I get to use past tense about this for once) knotted as a forest of oak trees. (Ugh. What a horrible metaphor. Grade-school shit. And I apologize.... I feel decent right now and don't want to write. If I'm not in withdrawal, pissing off doctors and shrinks or being a general douchebag, where's the drama? What's the pull?... Please see past posts while I work this out...)
But he did find these magical places and stabbed me with needles and injected the Marcaine solution. He then held the needle in my muscle until the headache I've had all my life lifted off my skull, from the injection site upward.
I then repeatedly threatened the doctor with various signs of affection, but didn't follow through because the med student who was with the doctor didn't seem like the voyeuristic type. And he didn't give the shots, so he wasn't about to get to join in.
But as I walked out of the clinic, I began to believe I was getting my headache back. However, it was just my inability to process the fact I was pain-free from the shoulders up. I didn't feel achy or in pain, but... it felt like the shadow of a headache... Like it was a physical entity, a fog encompassing my head, trying to get back in -- pushing inward from all sides.
As of this writing the relief has gone down my back... The day after the injections I could feel the rest of my body for the first time, without a headache. And it hurt like fucking hell. I took half a Percocet in the afternoon because I wanted to outrun my back, where most of the agony came from. I've seen dogs chase their tails, and the outcome is never very good or interesting. Today, though, is actually a good day.
Then again, I did take five pills a friend gave me yesterday. This Person described them as "better than Klonopin." I thought if they were a lot better, she was giving me the cup of christ. But This Person seemed to give them up too easily for me to be receiving that artifact in dissolvable pill form...
However, the two I took in the morning knocked me out for a few hours, which is a tall feat for any drug, so I would have to say they might eclipse Klonopin. Naturally, further study is warranted... But, then, I wouldn't want to get hooked on anything I can't get my own Rx for...
Plus I've been smoking... cigarettes... constantly since the shots. Or this 5/10 day [the scale encroaches into the body text!] is brought to us by the increase in Lyrica and Prozac taking hold. It's been about a month since the increase, and if the extra mgs are going to do anything, the starting gun should be going off about now.
Or the majority of what seems to be a miracle of science is not that at all, and is due to me being in a waning period. I'd hate it to be that, but know it must be a big part of me not being in so much pain.
...Mustn't it?
[I'm going to cause massive civil unrest by ending this post here, lamely. It's boring as hell anyway.
Anxiety: 5/10
Willingness to crank out crap: Apparent.]
I saw my new GP two days ago (I'll be staying with this guy at least until I start up my usual drug-seeking), and he gave me Marcaine injections into one trigger point per shoulder. I don't know how he found what were, apparently, the exact places he needed to inject, since my shoulders are (were? I think I get to use past tense about this for once) knotted as a forest of oak trees. (Ugh. What a horrible metaphor. Grade-school shit. And I apologize.... I feel decent right now and don't want to write. If I'm not in withdrawal, pissing off doctors and shrinks or being a general douchebag, where's the drama? What's the pull?... Please see past posts while I work this out...)
But he did find these magical places and stabbed me with needles and injected the Marcaine solution. He then held the needle in my muscle until the headache I've had all my life lifted off my skull, from the injection site upward.
I then repeatedly threatened the doctor with various signs of affection, but didn't follow through because the med student who was with the doctor didn't seem like the voyeuristic type. And he didn't give the shots, so he wasn't about to get to join in.
But as I walked out of the clinic, I began to believe I was getting my headache back. However, it was just my inability to process the fact I was pain-free from the shoulders up. I didn't feel achy or in pain, but... it felt like the shadow of a headache... Like it was a physical entity, a fog encompassing my head, trying to get back in -- pushing inward from all sides.
As of this writing the relief has gone down my back... The day after the injections I could feel the rest of my body for the first time, without a headache. And it hurt like fucking hell. I took half a Percocet in the afternoon because I wanted to outrun my back, where most of the agony came from. I've seen dogs chase their tails, and the outcome is never very good or interesting. Today, though, is actually a good day.
Then again, I did take five pills a friend gave me yesterday. This Person described them as "better than Klonopin." I thought if they were a lot better, she was giving me the cup of christ. But This Person seemed to give them up too easily for me to be receiving that artifact in dissolvable pill form...
However, the two I took in the morning knocked me out for a few hours, which is a tall feat for any drug, so I would have to say they might eclipse Klonopin. Naturally, further study is warranted... But, then, I wouldn't want to get hooked on anything I can't get my own Rx for...
Plus I've been smoking... cigarettes... constantly since the shots. Or this 5/10 day [the scale encroaches into the body text!] is brought to us by the increase in Lyrica and Prozac taking hold. It's been about a month since the increase, and if the extra mgs are going to do anything, the starting gun should be going off about now.
Or the majority of what seems to be a miracle of science is not that at all, and is due to me being in a waning period. I'd hate it to be that, but know it must be a big part of me not being in so much pain.
...Mustn't it?
[I'm going to cause massive civil unrest by ending this post here, lamely. It's boring as hell anyway.
Anxiety: 5/10
Willingness to crank out crap: Apparent.]
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